So, no one told me how exhausting writing a book would be. The work was enjoyable. It’s not that it’s overly long. It’s pretty standard at 150 pages. It’s not that I find writing too difficult. It’s actually the work I enjoy doing the most. It was just mentally exhausting to go back and remember how much has happened in the last year and half.
I wrote the book in two stages almost a year apart. I wrote the first half at the end of 2012 – when all of the changes were brand new to me. Every day was full of discovery – about my self, my life, and my body. It was a really exciting time. Those physical changes were happening before I could really figure out what they meant. It wasn’t until I was down over 100 pounds that I realized the life I was living was still the life I had built around me at my heaviest. The day I realized that everything else was about to change was the day I started writing the second half of the book.
I have tried to be brutally honest throughout this process but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t kept some things to myself. There were pieces of this journey that I didn’t think I could share until I really knew how they fit together. I have never been more honest about my life, my choices, and my struggles than I am in the pages of this book.
Sitting at home, clacking out out the words on my laptop, there was a freedom in not clicking “Publish” when I was done. I could write something that was painfully honest – something I would have censored from Facebook or my old blog. But there was a freedom in clicking “Save” and knowing the words were out of me but not yet shared with anyone else. It gave me time to get comfortable with the idea of putting things out there that I really haven’t before. So far only a handful of people closest to me have actually read the book. I’m think that those who know me will find it interesting enough, but I can’t wait for the book to get in the hands of someone who doesn’t know me at all. If I have I shared my story with enough honesty that it has impact for someone sitting somewhere with a head full of wrong ideas about their own life, than I’ll think all the work was worth it.
See, obesity makes you think you’re special. You get treated differently and you treat yourself differently. There are different expectations. Slowly you think the rules of the world just don’t apply to you. You’re a special case. You’ll do really destructive things keep your status of being special and nothing scares you more than the prospect of losing that special status and having to live like everyone else. Of course I wanted to be healthier and have a body I could be proud of, but I wanted those things without the burden of having to live a normal life.
I didn’t want the expectations that came with being just like everyone else. That’s who I wrote the book for. I wrote it to show those people who think they’re special that they’re not special at all. There are millions of obese people living as if they’re the only ones who know what it’s like but it’s not true. While the book is about my journey the story is about every obese person who continues to lie to themselves just to find the courage to keep going. The book is being printed in BC this month and will be available sometime in mid-to-late February.
I’m currently lining up a series of speaking events across the region. Some will be hosted by weight loss support groups specifically for their members and others will be open to the public. I should have a full schedule by the end of January. Thank you for your incredible support. Please keep sending your stories and your questions. The connections I’ve made with other people along this journey are what teach me the most about myself and the decisions I make everyday. I wouldn’t have done any of this without you!